God engages my soul.

My time in St. Louis. Hm. Jesus confirmed my passion for justice and showed me the way I want to live the rest of my life. Not necessarily in St. Louis, but I met a lot of people who are doing justice and really enjoying their lives. That’s what I want to do. Justice is SO prevalent in the Bible. God has been expanding my heart for justice beyond racial reconciliation, and I’m not sure what to do about that. It’s exciting that God can use me, and I’ve come away with a really willing heart to serve in whatever capacity he sends me. God also used the trip to affirm my decision to go into the Peace Corps. I kept thinking throughout the week, “I wish I could serve people. I wish I could just help people. I wish I could help in education…” at which point I would stop myself and think, “Oh wait, that’s exactly what I get to go do in July. Thank God.” I guess my biggest concern about the Peace Corps is that it’s not a Christian organization. But God has shown me that just because I might not be physically surrounded by people who follow Jesus for the next two years, I have my community back home, and most importantly, I have Him. Like one of my favorite songs says, “No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hand.” No matter what I encounter while I’m abroad, whatever Satan tries to throw at me, I still rest safely in God’s hand. Thank you Jesus.

In St. Louis, God used Pastor Barry to point out that I can’t survive in fighting for justice without understanding God’s grace. I am so grateful for that message, because I know it’s something that I don’t fully understand, and it’s something I want to keep wrestling with. I learned tools that will help me while I’m abroad and beyond. God’s grace is so humbling. He doesn’t need me, and yet he decides to use me. I mess up. I’m a perfectionist, so I try not to, but I mess up. And God blesses me anyway. After even getting a glimpse of that grace, I’m compelled to worship and serve Him.

My passion for justice is something that makes my heart hurt. In those moments where my soul is engaged, where my heart hurts, in those moments I get to see what God sees. I feel so blessed that Jesus has allowed me to see a few things in His eyes. I want to love people. I want Jesus to use me so badly. Not that justice is easy, not at all. In fact, the ways that I’m currently engaging in issues of justice (either in BCM or with my LGBT dialogue) are the most challenging aspects of my life right now. I don’t enjoy every minute of them… in fact, sometimes I catch myself counting down the weeks until I graduate, so I won’t have to be engaging so fully in these issues. But my soul is engaged. This year has probably been my most fulfilling year, because I’ve actually taken the step to do what I love. While God has given me these passions and begun to narrow down the path he’s leading me on, it’s still a wide-open path. I have no idea what I’ll be doing two years from now when I get back from the Peace Corps. I have no idea what I’ll be doing ten years from now or twenty, but I hope that I will be serving Jesus to my fullest capacity. I hope that I will be partnering with him in combating these injustices, whatever that means in my context. I hope I grow closer to the heart of Jesus, I hope I see more like him. I hope that everyday I’ll come closer to the moment when he looks at me and says, “Well done.”

- Evelyn

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